I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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