you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
