i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
