i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
