I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
