Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize