Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
