I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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