there's paper in my vomit.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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