i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
