Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
