My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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