when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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