Pants 0. Shit 1.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
