Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
