he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
