I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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