good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
