Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
