Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lo siento on account of my penis...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
