i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
