So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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