Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
