Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
