GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
