I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
