dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
