i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
