i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We talked him into tasing himself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
