Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
