hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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