Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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