i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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