Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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