It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
