I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
