Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
and you fell through a lawn chair
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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