that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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