my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
