so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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