The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
