My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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