dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
