she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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