I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
