Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
