Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I will pee on everything he values.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
