she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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