im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
