there's paper in my vomit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
