I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
