She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
