therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
