the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
