I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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