Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
