She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Less talking, more tequila
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
