who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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