come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
