i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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