Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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