Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
