i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
