you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
