as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
