The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
