I wish I could teleport
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
