That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize