i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize